As Seen on TV...YEAH RIGHT!

   This morning I was watching an episode of Friends.  It was the one where Rachel is having her baby.  I have seen it plenty of times on TBS reruns, but today I watched with a more invested interest.  I found myself talking to the TV stating how wrong some of the scenes were and  relating to this character throughout the show.  The main thing I learned (and really already knew) pregnancy ain't nothing like it is on TV!
   The one thing I could definately relate to was the idea of her being impatient and uncomfortable.  They were pretty accurate on that one.  Another thing that was dead on was the crankiness of a pregnant lady.  Best line of the show came after Ross asked,  "Why are you being so nice to to the doctor and so nasty to me?"  Rachel's response?  "Because she is the one with the drugs!"  Sing it sister.
    When her water broke there was no gush, no trace of the mess I have been warned about.  The couch was not even damp.  Jeremy has planned accordingly for this labor sign by putting down a rubber sheet on the couch.  I feel like a puppy on a pee pad as I type.
  When they arrived at the hospital Rachel threatened to leave and go to another hospital if she didn't get a private room.  No laboring woman in her right mind would leave a hospital.  Those lovely, hardworking people know how to get the baby out.  I am considering packing a box of chocolates and Starbucks gift certificates to give out to the staff as soon as I arrive.  I might send even send them flowers when we are en route to the hospital. They need to know that I am lovely person.  They need to know my face.  I need them to think, "Oh, there is the nice girl who brought us those great gifts.  She looks like she is in pain.  Let's drop what we are doing and go help her.  We can eat lunch or help those other patients later."    This mama is not going in there to make enemies.  I need those people to be my best friends!
  Back to the show.  After Rachel's water broke they spent 47 hours in labor.  FALSE!! IMPOSSIBLE!! UNSAFE!!  I have learned that after the water breakage you are on the clock.  There are only 12 hours to get that baby out safely.  I know that they were trying to build drama, but that, my friends, is a misconception. After a quick 47 hours of labor (funny, it only felt like 23 minutes to me) she was in the delivery room.  Three pushes-- here's baby.  Simple enough.  Yeah right.
   The most relateable and emotional part is when Rachel and Ross held their baby for the first time.  It was a soft tender moment that brought tears to my eyes.  Then out of nowhere I began sobbing.  Hysterically sobbing.  Ugly crying.  Why?  Because Rachel had her baby and I wanted to have my baby.  It struck me as incredibly unfair.  I told this to Jeremy.  He gave me a huge hug.  After a few minutes he asked if I realized I was crying over a TV pregnancy.  Moments like that just have to make you laugh.  So then I was crying and laughing at the same time.  Not a good look, I promise.  It was time to turn off the TV at this point before things got worse and/or uglier.  I was jealous of a fictional character with a fictional baby.  Hello crazy lady!
  Needless to say TV and movies have it all wrong.  So if you need a dose of pregnancy reality come see me.  I'll set you straight.  As seen on TV...yeah right!